Surfing and Scars
by xXSedationXx
Summary: Just a role play log for a friend, put up because she cannot receive files. Read and review if you want. Mello and Original Character Jurrie Clancy. Hops into the middle of their story. Feh.


Mello's eyes narrowed. Trust her to be perceptive - she always had been, and so, he wasn't going to insult her intelligence by feigning ignorance. Voice much rougher and deeper than the one she would remember, he said "Always. And yourself, Jurrie?" His stance didn't change - he still wasn't going to cross into her world now. Let this be a chance encounter, and have that as the end of it. He didn't want them in his affairs, and God knew they didn't need him fucking up theirs.

Jurrie shifted, back on her right foot then, head still tilted. "Fine.. more than fine actually.. now.." And that was it. She had found him, as long as he wasn't a child solider anymore, or running in something that was that bad, she was fine. Promise kept. But from the looks of it, he was deep in something that she wouldn't have let him get into in the past. Jurrie folded her arms across her chest then, pressing the door to the stairs closed then, a bit of sun light catching on her rosary she still wore around her neck. "You never came back." She said then, more of a fact than a question.

"I never said I would." His own rosary was visible around his neck, to those who knew what the beads were, even with the tail of it under his vest. He didn't step out of the shadows, despite her movement - chances were that she couldn't see the scar tissue stretched across his skin, and she didn't need to. They'd each lived their own lives now, and ended up where they had - and then, he ended the moment. "Good to see you're still alive. Matt?"

"Still as lost in video games as ever. About to be a father." She said then, tilted her head to the other side now, eyes narrowed a bit. The contrast between the dark and light not lost on her then. She knew. "You went back to them then.." She said, shaking her head, and then rubbing both of her arms over healing scars of what Beyond had done to her. "No.. you never said you would.." She said a little bit bitterly then. Now, it was all the would think. He had preferred that life over the life he could have had with them.

"I told you I intended to go back - so I did." The bitterness, he could understand, but he'd made his choices, and paid the price for seeing them through. What he wanted was irrelevant in the circumstances which held him now. A long moment of silence passed. "This is goodbye, then." And with that, he nodded to her, to Itsuki, and to Near, and turned, walking back into the pages of history and out of their present.

"..." She watched him a moment. She had let him walk away ten years ago, and she had half a mind to let him walk away now, and then looking at Near and Suki, nodding an apology to them, she ran after him, bare feet slapping against the concrete. "Wait." She said then. "WAIT!" Consequences be damned, she had made a promise to herself a long time ago to make sure he was still intact, and she wouldn't be able to let go until she was certain of that.

Probably as much to his own surprise as to hers, he stopped. He didn't turn around, but he'd stopped - and that said more than it should. It said that he knew, knew there were things to be said, that there was memories that needed to be dragged into their current lives, or closed, and that neither of those things could occur if he just walked away. In his own way, Mello had acknowledged that they owed something to one another for the time that had been lost - what that was, he couldn't or wouldn't say, but he definitely knew it was there.

Risking a glance back at Suki and Near, she knew she'd have to answer to them, as well as L, she grabbed his hand and disappeared into another alley way, circumventing L's guards. Of course, a male in leather and a female in a swimsuit was enough to make anyone eye ball them suspiciously. She stopped only when she was certain they hadn't followed, neither Suki nor Near, and none of the body guards. She leaned over a minute, and then turned looking at him. "You left everyone there.. left us all there and left to go back to what ever the hell you felt like. No good byes, no nothing, and then all the sudden you're here and fucking jesus christ.." She had just noticed the scar, and she quickly crossed herself, staring for a moment, hand on her chest, holding her cross.

Mello stared her down. He was used to people recoiling at that mark - and he wasn't going to show any shame for what he was now. After a moment, he said, quietly, "I did. And yes, I'm here, not by choice, but chance has always had a hand in life." He'd pulled away from her as soon as he'd had an opportunity - he didn't like being touched, and she was no exception at this point. Crossing his arms again, the scar noticeably webbed over one shoulder, he looked at her, eyes cold. "What's it to you?"

And she was twelve again, biting her lower lip at the acerbic tone of his voice... she turned her head. "Nothing.." She folded her own arms across her chest again, turning back to face him, her eyes instantly going back to the scar, tracing it along the path of his face, down his neck, and then to his arm. Finally green eyes flicked back to his. "Unless you forgot.. I was responsible for you at that point in time. Your leaving with out a trace made me culpable, as well as guilty. I promised myself to find you. I got side track.. I hadn't given you a second thought until I realized something.. and I lost everything for that realization. I want to make sure it was worth it.."

Mello recognized her gesture, just as she had his. He didn't look away. "I'm not a child any more, Jurrie." That was said far more gently than one would expect, particularly from his appearance. Perhaps he thought it was stupid for her to bare the guilt for his actions - but whether that was the case or not, he was human enough to tell her she didn't need to carry that any more. He was who he was,  
and she had no reason to claim culpability for his sins. Perhaps he was a disappointment, he didn't know. Nor did it matter now - they were both different people to who they had been, experience and circumstance shaping them like hewing edges from stone - and what was left, of him at least, was merely the hardened core of the person she had once met. In his eyes, neither of them need hold the burden placed by the hands of time.

"And neither am I, but I can't help but feel like you're about to slam me against a wall and hiss at me to tell you how to get out of here." She pushed a hand back through her hair, shifting from one foot to the other. Sure, her feet where tough, but the sun on the concrete was getting to her. She lowered her eyes again, color rising in her cheeks as she was ashamed of herself for staring at the scar, it was rude, but it was all the could do to reach out and touch the skin, to make sure it was real and not just some disguise. Her eyes returned to the brick wall then, taking a deep break. "I ah.. I've just not gotten back on my feet really..I doubt you'd remember him, but Beyond had a little field day when I told him I needed to find you to put my mind at rest before I could move on ... He didn't take too kindly to that." And she was rambling, to keep him there a few minutes longer. She had missed him, only because he had been the one to leave, and as she kept spouting out things, she realized it was because he had been the one thing at Wammy's she ***couldn't*** have, either by charm alone, or simply having it given to her for being adorable as a child.. a child who knew far too much about certain things.. who knew, but it was definitely a case of something she couldn't have. "And he got Itsuki then as well.. scared the hell out of Matt, tossed my almost corpse at L.. it's been.. strange."

He stepped towards her - time to deal with this before it became a compulsion. He took her hand, and, eyes on hers, pressed her fingertips to the burnt skin, letting go and allowing her free range. It was something he did not enjoy, but if it needed to be dealt with, well then. Mello was hardly one to stall. "I remember him, though I can't imagine my absence stopping you from getting something you wanted." And that was confirming that he understood just why she had chased after him - well, part of it, at least. But the offer to kill Beyond that may have come from him as a child was not present - he did not have the same, burning reaction wherein someone who crossed something he considered even important, would regret it. He was far more distant than he had been as a child, far more controlled - and that distance might prove enough to drive her away. Whether that was his intent or not, it was difficult to say. But if it was, more so, was to figure why.

She ignored the remark. So he had remembered. She had come from a brothel yes.. but as she got older, certain things held no more meaning for her any more, only a way to keep something close, or to win something over. And as her eyes moved back to his face, her fingers moved over the skin of his shoulder, which where now level with her eyes. Head tilted, she traved the pattern there, and then risking it, she lifted his hair some, staring as it rose up to his cheek. She finally spoke. "Chemical fire.. what where you doing in a fucking chemical fire.." Fingers moved again, looking for discoloration, trying to figure out the chemical mix then. Her mind worked oddly, she knew that. "He's dead for what he did." She finally said. She hadn't needed him to do it.. just.. trying again to get what she wanted, and now, it was almost like having a new toy dangled in front of her, she'd do what she could to keep it. Blame Wammy's for never making her grow up. Looking up again, she drew her hand back. "Sulfuric acid and iron oxide.. someone fucked up a batch of thermite or.. you where somewhere that stored dry cleaning chemicals.."

"Circumstances called for extreme actions." That was as much of an answer as he was going to give, for now. He didn't respond to the news of Beyond's death, nor her touch. After a long moment, he said "You mentioned a realization. Care to tell me what it was, or are we playing dissident?" The gentility was gone, a dark drawl in it's place. Mello had never been particularly verbose, preferring to act. This was no different - if she was going to keep him waiting, well, chances were that he wouldn't wait.

"Thermite.." She said more to herself than to him, and then color flushed back into her cheeks, her eyes level with his shoulder, the compulsion to stare at the scar gone. "As much as we where asses to each other as kids.." She began, closing her eyes. "I did enjoy your company.. you might have been my first puppy love.. and when I told Beyond that I needed to figure that out, he snapped. Killed my child.. broke every finger and toe in my body, both my arms, then carefully pulled every tooth out of my skull and then raped me for a few hours before he tossed me to L. Because.. as a kid, I had feelings for you. How stupid is that?" Her own voice had gone monotonous.

Mello crossed his arms again, reacting with nonchalance - a conditioned response to the way he'd lived, no doubt. "You had to figure that out despite how many years I'd been gone? You let that stop you from a future? Jesus, I thought we were supposed to be genius-level kids there." And despite how harsh his answer was, Mello knew she would see through it, even if his eyes were vacant and his own voice hollow. Because if they were as intelligent as advertised, and if it had still affected her to that degree, and been a cause for that level of trauma, then it was more than a mere crush. She was either using his memory as an excuse from commitment, or... or there was more to be said after all.

"Genius does not denote unfeeling." She said then, rubbing her arm. "I know it's stupid... forget it." She shifted on her feel uncomfortably then, her confession making her feel none the lighter than she thought it would have. She looked at the wall again. "Cause it's meaningless in the end, it accomplished nothing but a lot of pain and nothing more. So.. that's just it. Stupidity because of emotion." She drew her lower lip back between her teeth then, the feel of the veneers there weird in her mouth. She still hadn't gotten use to them, but by god, they where better than the damn dentures that L had originally been ordering for her. She timidly touched the scar again. "Quid pro quo... Why thermite?"

"It was what I had on hand at the time." Mello watched her, now. He stood still, letting her trace the scar tissue, eyes following the movement. Stupidity because of emotion? It sounded too cold, for what he remembered of her - not that he had the right to think that, considering the distance which he had acted to put between them. Perhaps they should have both let him just walk - he could feel the tension in the air, and it wasn't because of the summer heat. He said nothing more, just watching her, and not stepping away.

"You and Matt where the only two there who didn't instantly think I'd fall into bed with them because of my past.." She supplied then, eyes following the path her finger traced. "Didn't think any less of me either, when I didn't." She traced higher then, along his neck, brows knit together, putting together the pattern of the scar. The burn ratio, what she knew of his tenacity, healing time of a normal male.. and how much it had healed now.. of course, she smelled the salt water on him, which, had he not dried off carefully the scar was puckering into itself then, tightening, making it look more healed than what it was. "A little over a year ago?" She asked, her finger topping above the leather then, head tilted again. If it had pooled in his collar bone, was it as damaged as well ? She wasn't going to ask, but she knew from the extend and severity of the burn, that most likely it had. Eyes half lidded now.."So I'm thinking.. child solider turned into mafia.. which means you're most likely on the other side of the fence I run now..interesting.."

Mello knew she was aware her information was close enough to correct - he wasn't going to confirm nor deny. "I would suppose that would make us natural enemies." It was said without threat, without any need to act on that truth. If she tried to arrest him, he would resist. If she tried to kill him, he would fight. So he had always been. "Why would I have thought less of you? I never asked you for anything, let alone that."

"I suppose it would." She made to take a step back then, if he was in fact mafia, at some point she be running against him.. when L got fielded some case. She didn't want that, and she didn't want to end up face to face like this with an order to arrest, or worse, to defend and kill if needed. She took a deep breath then. "I know."

Silence. Mello wondered why he did not turn and leave now - chances were, because she would probably follow. Staring her down, he said "So you are his successor then." Because, truth to tell, he hadn't been disinterested in the fight he'd long ago left. Not that it mattered now, except for where her new role might lead them. She was hesitant of that knowledge, and he could see it in her eyes. The same gesture as earlier betrayed him, a strand of hair pushed aside. "I guess I should congratulate you."

"No... I'm not his successor.." She pushed her hair out of her face then. "Beyond and L fought over me for several years, and ... with Beyond gone, he seized an opportunity to take his place. I just lost my lover and my child.. with the albino child, it was presented as an.. alternative." She rubbed her arms again, like the temperature had just dropped several degrees, the cold shiver passing through her at how absurd it sounded to even her now. "I said yes out of loneliness.. I can only watch Matt eat face with his woman so many times and not feel the jealous sting of not having someone of my own for too long." She turned then, realizing how weak she really was. "I'll keep the knowledge of what you are now to myself, even if it kills me. I won't let him know."

She was his lover then. Somewhere, very deep and very hidden, there was regret at that. Mello did not let it show, not even a hint. "That's your decision to make - I don't intend to call you on it should I find myself face to face with you, with a gun between us, in future." It was simply a promise that time had taught him, would be unwise to accept, if only for the truth of the fact that if it did happen that way, somehow, the betrayal would burn, even after all that time.

She buried her face in her hands then, groaning with frustration. She dropped her hands then, fought back the sudden urge to slap him for being an asshole, and stared towards the sky for a moment. "Jesus fucking Christ Mihael are you made of anything other than spite and ice?" She turned around then, looking for something to kick. Tell a guy you've held out a burning torch for him for ten years and it was more of a shock at the another promise. She turned back then and yanked the shoulder of his vest down, inspecting damage. "Forgive me for prying, but it interests me how you even remotely lived through this.."

He allowed her both her anger, and her self-stated prying, even unzipping the vest and taking it off, the entirety of the damage portrayed, scars running more across the back of his shoulder than just over the collarbone. The silence accompanying it was as revealing as the scars themselves. Perhaps he was made of spite and ice - and perhaps she was simply blind to the other option. However, it was nothing he intended to discuss - she could make her own conclusions about what he was; after all, everyone else did.

She circled around then, fingers tracing over the back of his shoulder, following the burn pattern. "Jesus.." She said softly, crossing herself. "You should be dead.." And then she brought her other hand up, studying, fingers kneading over damaged flesh, her breath held as she made certain it didn't hurt still, before pressing on, the damage was extreme, thermite burned at 3800 C.. which meant that he had just gotten the barest brush of it.. and it had flared his skin into kindling in almost an instant. It .. was insane that he lived through it.. at all. She raised a brow, and then returned to where she began, pressing his hair back some, checking his ear, his cheek, over the bridge oh his nose, across his forehead. Almost like a mask had been on his face when his skin had been ignited. And she was unaware of the dangerous game she played, because after so long, one forgot how to consciously play those games, and ran on instinct instead.

"Probably. I had to cut the eyelid open on the left - the skin had fused, but the eye itself was undamaged." He indicated a superficial scar above the rest, voice impassive. He was in no mood for games, now. Let her look, let her have her anger. He did not particularly care - should they end up enemies, perhaps he would regret it. At this point, it seemed unlikely that they would end up anything else. He was too cold, she, too damaged by the emotion she had - or perhaps, still - held for him. Or for his memory. Either way, this pocket of time that they had been allocated to pick at old wounds seemed not to have hit him in the way it might have; in fact, that was so much the truth that it seemed impossible that he was not purposefully holding back, reserving everything for her absence. That alone would have been strange - coupled with his tolerance of her interaction, it was more than.

She rolled her eyes at him then, and chuckled, pulling her hands back to her arms, as she realized she had just basically manhandled him all over, all for her curiosity. She raised a brow then. There might have been a comment there, had she really wanted to comment, but instead she rubbed her shoulders again. She was thankful that he hadn't decided to alight on any of her own scars, the white ribbons that looks more like tattooed patterns on her arms and legs nothing more than Beyond release on her flesh. She closed her eyes, and then after a moment re-opened them, looking up at him again, trying to figure it out. "Just give me a moment, I'm trying to summarize this all in my head.." She rubbed her shoulder again, tongue darting out to wet her chapped lips. So much for surfing today.

He allowed her the time she needed - he hadn't planned on commenting anyway. Perhaps it was because he ran with a lot of scarred people these days, and knew better than to inquire, lest they decide to demonstrate. Or perhaps he simply didn't want to know. For a moment, it seemed that he took refuge in his own thoughts, eyes focusing on some distance not pertaining to where they stood. Memory,  
perhaps. Either way, his attendance was patient, as she'd asked. Mello was not one to rush what could glean information.

She tilted her head to the side then, looking up at him. "There... was a time I thought that life could have been easy, I am rapidly finding it is not such the case.." She leaned up then, on his tip toes, decision made in and instant. Both hands on his chest she kissed him. And then, as brief as it was, she turned to leave. "Good bye Mihael.. hopefully our paths won't end at gun point.."

Mello bowed his head as she left, eyes on the ground. Voice low, softer now by far, he simply said "We can hope." Then, standing where he had, the future forming darkly in his own mind, he let her go.

She turned the corner and grabbed her surf board from the alley it had been left in. Maybe if she hurried, she could catch a few waves before heading back.

She had left him shirtless in the alley way, possibly more confused than ever, and went ahead and grabbed her surfboard, heading down to the shore. The swells where nice, and she was fairly certain that she was about to be detained by one of the body guards anyways, but the looming of water ahead of her didn't stop the feeling that she needed to get out there, no matter what. And so, foot prints  
in the sand, she got out in the waves, and enjoyed her surfing while she could.

Mello stood, still and lost in thought. The fact of the matter was that he should leave. He should find a place to stay, clean himself up, and get himself sorted. More likely than not, she didn't need him here. And yet, if she'd felt such a compulsion, what was there? And yet - if he knew he should do those things, why did he pause? Hesitation got people killed, he knew that. Eyes narrowed as he  
stared to the concrete underfoot, and made a decision that instinct told him he would one day stand to regret. He followed her.

Water, it had always been the water that had kept her grounded, and being out in the roar of the ocean was keeping her together now. How much more of her life could possibly be random at this point in time? She didn't care, all she cared about right now was the water, and the breathless feeling of water curling over her, before she timed a wave wrong. No amount of genius intelligence would ever  
be able to predict the fish that cause the small change in the way the water moved, and thus, unseen calculation unaccounted for, she toppled in the wave, letting herself be pulled under, through the undertow, and then finally out, a little ways down the beach, gasping for breath. It had been worth it.

Impassive, Mello simply watched from a distance, and thought. Why was he here? He owed nothing to them - there had been no great promises, no friendship or abounding, defining truths. Circumstance had cast them in the same plot of youth at one point, but that had been brief. He wondered why she even remembered him - was his memory to her, defined by what she had suffered because of it? Perhaps  
the intellect they both had was the cause - people of a lesser mental calibre would probably not even remember one another. Being orphans had to factor in as well; granted, they had been forced to survive together. But there had been little to nothing binding, beyond the fact that they were both leaders, both fighters. So why the deep reminiscence? Further more, why the kiss? Mello told himself that is was curiosity of these things that kept him there. He also called himself a fucking liar for surrendering to such.

She finally climbed out of the waves, drenched, laughing at herself for having gotten drawn under. It had been too easy to lock down that part of her brain and been normal for a few moments. Setting her board down, she leaned over, taking the strap off her ankle then, looking at the wicked brush burn there, and along her leg from getting dragged along the bottom. She Tsked to herself for being  
careless, but what did it matter now. Standing back up, she flipped all her hair back over her head, sitting down for what now would be sun set, and to catch the last few rays of the day to attempt to dry herself out a bit. Having re-communed with water felt good. It had been so vital to her life, and in the past ten years it had been forgotten while she had let Beyond knowingly run her life.  
She realized she was being watched, it didn't matter. She hadn't wanted it to happen, only to allow herself one brief moment in to which dream, which would drive her on, but it too would pass. Fingers pressed to her lips now at the phantom feel, she waited, waited for sunset to be over.


End file.
